If you are dealing with this like a break up, have a gold star: that is almost exactly what this is.
It’s the same emotions, at least.
Your former FB isn’t malicious but this qualifies as a rejection; and however long ago things ended, rejection hurts.
He wanted you, now he wants her – it’s only natural to react.
There are unanswered questions.
Not only has he chosen someone else, your FB is committing to her in a way he never did with you. I mean, you never wanted him to, but then he never asked.
Questions are inevitable: is his girlfriend nicer? Funnier? Better in bed?
Are you hideous? Unlovable?
Is this because of your hairy toes? Because you wax them now. You wax!
The answer, in fact, may be yes – but only in his eyes.
This also isn’t about you: he thinks his girlfriend is nicer/funnier and better in bed than everyone.
Her attributes do not diminish your own, unless she is an astronaut or something, in which case, fair play
You ponder what could have been…
Gwyneth has ruined many lives. Since Sliding Doors came out in 1998 (if you haven’t seen it, for heaven’s sake watch it immediately), an entire generation has been trapped pondering how their lives might have been if only they hadn’t missed that tube.
The same ‘what-if’ feelings are likely to arise now: your FB is living another life. Could that have been you? Would you have enjoyed it if it was?
So what if he is with someone while you are still turning up on Tinder dates to find it’s the friend from the hot guy’s photo? Life is not a competitive sport.
Maybe it isn’t your time, maybe you’re not ready for a relationship, or maybe your FB is only getting married for a Visa and will eventually be rumbled and deported.
Don’t compare yourself to unknown variables.
Deprivation sparks desire.
When you told your friends that you hadn’t spoken to John/Simon/Ronald for years, what you actually meant was that you sometimes text each other, but just friendly stuff.
OK, dirty stuff. OK, full-on innuendo. But now he has a girlfriend it will probably stop?
Yes, it will stop, because he has a girlfriend. You only want him now because you can’t have him so don’t ruin it for everyone else.
Your f*** buddy has moved on – it’s on book and everything. Now you have to as well.
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5 comments
Since I am not possessive, I congratulated her and wished her well
‘Unwanted sexual contact is hot!’ – said no woman ever.
Don’t surround a small group of girls
. Forming an inescapable chain with your mates around two or three girls is never going to work. Women are not going to realise they’re cornered and think ‘oh well, you’ve got me, have a quick grope then’. Nope, this situation is only ever going to end with you getting violently shoved out of the way.
Grabbing a woman’s hat/scarf/handbag is not a great conversation starter
A cheeky grin as you run off with someone’s trilby does not make it any less like stealing. But to be fair, women are just as guilty of this one as men are.
If a woman has already told you, with increasing vehemence, that she’s not interested, then seventh time probably won’t be the charm.
Do not hit on every woman in a group
Working your way around the circle trying to grind against each woman in turn is never going to yield results. A women is not going to pick up a guy that three of her friends have already rejected right in front of her.
Do not step between two women who are dancing together
Women get fiercely protective when they’re out with friends. If a guy tries to forcibly separate a woman from the pack, the others will go full-on lioness on you. Also, she was quite enjoying dancing with her friends and you’ve just ruined that for her.
Smile (at her face, not her boobs), keep your hands to yourself, and say hi. You might still get rejected (not every woman in a bar is single and on the look-out), but at least you won’t get slapped
Men have been complaining in the media recently that it’s impossible to hit on women these days, because every advance is seen as harassment. Not true. Just avoid the following tips on how NOT to pull (all of which happened to me and my friends last weekend), and you should be OK.
No matter how charming and eligible you might be in your sober state, no-one looks like an attractive prospect when they’re using their mate as a crutch.
American university lecturer gives extra marks to students who go on dates
Say you’re at university and you spot someone you fancy, how do you go about approaching them?
Do you immediately friend them on Facebook, trawl through their holiday pics, like all their statuses, then look at your shoes if they ever make eye contact with you in real life? Or maybe you check the location of their tweets, hoping to ‘accidentally’ bump into them in the street.
Perhaps you stay away from social media, knowing that inadvertently ‘liking’ one of their Instagram posts from 57 weeks ago could lead to a social anxiety so crippling, your young heart would explode were they ever to ask to borrow a pen
If you answered ‘yes’ to any of these then you could probably benefit from a little dating education – and you’re not alone. Kerry n, a lecturer at College, was so disappointed by the internet’s destructive effect on her students’ social skills that she now gives extra credit to the ones who go on dates with each other.
Speaking to The Globe, Cronin says that dating has been ‘supplanted’ on campuses by a hook-up culture, because it ‘requires the courage to be vulnerable to another person.’
The ‘Cronin dates’ are not allowed to involve kissing, sex or even alcohol, yet students are somehow still keen to participate.
Share your thoughts
I met my now ex (after over 40 years of marriage) in a college class. It was good while it lasted.
Now I find interesting ladies on line.